Crying with neck pain

21 February 2017

(updated a bit later today = I KNOW my son cares about me VERY deeply, I KNOW he loves me LOADS (and I think my friends do too) but it doesn’t compute that he and they have made so MANY bad decisions regarding my bodily welfare for so MANY years).

 

Yes, again. Because I’ve done a bit of sorting and filing.

 

My neck was PLENTY injured MORE than enough after bungled op and now so MANY more injuries to my neck and so many bits of me = so much extra pain and even mORE days in the bin than I would have had.

 

So many decided to prevent access to info and healthcare (and lots more) for WAY too long, including my friends and family. They decided that my health and bodily integrity (what there was left of it) was worth far far less than so many other things, why?

 

A text apparently from my son says he did his best and I’m sure he always does because he’s like that, he’s my son. But neither he nor my family/friends has the right to ensure I get ever MORE injured, but they do: year after year.

 

I told PV in 2008 that my neck was worse after LONG drive in France (Nantes and Rouen sagas*). I have told SO MANY every year that it’s MORE injured and how but nobody gives a toss. So people decided ON TOP it’d be a good idea to put me in a place it was quite certain I’d fall on the stairs and they all KNEW if I fell badly I’d smash my head in = I didn’t because luckily my reactions still often work and so my whole weight fell on my right arm and shoulder. Result: extra neck injury and NEW permanent shoulder/top right arm injury and new area that’s numb. Amaudric (apparently a doctor/GP) refused to examine it.

* time wasted that I could have spent relaxing, swimming and so on.

 

And you ALL think this is OK year after year? Well praps you say ‘oh, sorry to hear that’ but you carry on regardless. So people decided it’d be REALLY great to make a very heavy cupboard fall on my head, onto my already injured brain. Why? ‘Oh only Jen’s brain/head/body = we don’t give a toss’? Or ‘well we DO care just not very much about how damaged her body+ gets’?

 

And the radiologist (if that is what he is) at hospital KNOWS how injured I was already, KNOWS all the bits of me that hurt and why (including my abdomen) but he and ALL those there that day, those days, those YEARS = ALL decided ‘worth it’ to ignore my injuries KNOWING they are getting worse/I’m being MORE injured every year. Nice huh? Good choice?

 

Kathy pretending she was cross with me (yawn: so MANY doing this) and refusing to reply and not contacting me, pretending I’d ‘upset’ her, my son too (he refused to see me for 18 months – except on his VERY unreasonable ridiculous terms), my neighbour opposite in UK too, now my brother is joining in. Why are you ALL so easy to manipulate? Do you LIKE playing rôle-games that you know are hurting me? Why?

 

My neck hurts this much this year, more than last year and more than the year before etc. = how much more will it hurt NEXT year? And (if I’m still alive) the year after that? I do know my son cares about me LOADS, very very deeply but he and so many others have made WAY too many bad/wrong decisions for me for WAY too long. I believe my son has done wonderful and extraordinary things but sadly the delay-delay-delay+++ = means they can never be as wonderful and amazing as they could have been.  But I’m told I’M wrong, that ‘it’s NEVER too late’ but of course it is: permanent injuries cannot be undone and my days/months in the bin and the toll the EXTRA stresses have taken on my psyche and my body can NEVER be undone. Or am I wrong = a magic wand will take me back to how I was after the op? ‘Compensation’ is supposed to make everything as close to how things were before ‘if not for/but for…’ but of COURSE it can’t! Other remedies try to do the same, restorative justice attempts healing – it can help for feelings 9psychological injury) but it can never undo physical injuries – nothing can that’s why PREVENTION is the key and TIMELY help that prevents as much FURTHER injury+ as possible = which so many deny me still.

 

Ha ha goes the lady (she was nice, she talked to me for ages) on ‘samaritans’ line: ‘you keep going, you’re still standing…’ or something like that = as though that’s enough and it’s all OK then. She (as so many) didn’t want to hear about all the EXTRA injuries I’ve got these last few years, why? She spoke about doing an exhibition with some proceeds going to charity – I’d suggested that in last expo attempt: Them’Art, but I was rejected. And after I thought but I don’t want people just buying my art because they just want to help a good cause or two, I’d prefer people to buy it because they LIKE it but maybe that’s too much to ask or hope for. Who ARE all the people who answer my phones? Benevoles, good ‘samaritans’, people choosing to give up their time to try to help me cope with things NOBODY should have to? The NHS trying to make amends? Or what?

 

So today at ‘group’ ALL the women who work there (paid or volunteers?) KNOW how injured I am, how much I hurt (including my teeth which were drilled/wrecked on purpose = family/friends thought THAT was a great idea too?) but each of them decide (are manipulated?) into ‘choosing’ to carry on and pretend they can’t intervene/help me in the way I WANT and CHOOSE (for well over TWO YEARS) when every one of them should have and could have. Why did they agree to not do as they KNOW they should, would normally WANT to do? WHY do they WANT me even MORE injured?

 

And apparently both x & y have recently bought doggies… yawn. yes.

 

Way WAY too long, way WAY too many extra injuries. Satire? No. Funny? No. Sad? No extreme cruelty. ‘Worth it’? No. But you ALL know that already. So you’re HAPPY I have more pain, more days in the bin, more nights of hell? You say not but you are lying or else deluded. Whatever fab stuff you’re doing (and it may be completely wonderful and extraordinary) = NOT WORTH THIS, for me it wasn’t many many injuries ago. You know that but are in denial and decide daily that it IS worth it. Very very sad, very very shocking, can’t get my head round it. Oh yes and gimme my PRIVACY back (incl. phones, net, emails+++ SICK of diversions, ‘no rowt found’ etc. SO long ago) – oh no: you can’t get it back, can’t undo my injuries, NO remedies = way WAY too late. Happy?

 

Why does almost everyone say this site ‘doesn’t work’ and/or they haven’t looked and that they ‘don’t know’ here I am? SICK of lies and crap. But you all KNOW that, have known that for YEARS.

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