Salon d’Automne, médiathèque de La Garde 2016

Palms - no shelter

Palms – no shelter / Palmiers – sans abri

 

J’ai reçu une lettre des Artiste Gardéens (erreur avec mon nom YAWN):

Madame,

Suite à l’incident qui vous est reproché (publicité à l’encontre de celle décidée par les Artistes Gardéens, affiche du salon d’automne 2016), ainsi que par votre mauvais comportement, je suis en mesure, avec l’approbation des membres du bureau, de nous passer de votre présence au sein de l’association. Vous trouverez ci-joint le remboursement de votre cotisation (chèque de 25 euros).

Signé par 4 ‘membres de la bureau’:

Présidente

Vice Présidente

Trésorière

Secrétaire

 

= SANS demandant aux autres membres de l’association = PAS d’une vote, PAS de la démocracie!

 

Was it one of the Marx brothers who said: ‘I don’t want to be a member of any club who wants me to be a member’ ?

 

I asked for some of the posters they had printed to put up in town because there were none to be seen. Vice President tried to find them and said she could not so I created my own using my artwork to advertise the expo. Tut tut: apparently that isn’t allowed, but they had NO rule saying that (they invented it after) and nobody told me. But I am punished without trial or jury of my peers = against the law.

 

I spent MY money, used MY time to try to advertise the expo for the benefit of ALL. WHY is that wrong? I don’t understand. You’d think that IF there were rules of any kind they would be explained BEFORE you join and then you can decide BEFORE you pay/join.

 

So my clay is there, I have no kiln and no idea how to use it if I had one. My access to expertise (IF that is what it was when the teacher got me to make chimneys in the top of the head I’d made?!) is removed.

 

Reminds me of Dr C who also blamed MY comportement (behaviour) when he and Dr B had refused to ask Qs about my scans, refused to question radiologist’s silly ‘report’ etc. and refused to help me prove I was injured/disabled/in BAD pain with muscle loss etc. – then THREW ME OUT.

 

SICK of ME being blamed, MY behaviour wrongly judged when THEIR behaviour is cruel and neglect of their duty of care to me. I recorded Dr B throwing me out, I played it to the social worker but she didn’t care.

 

A joke? No: it is bullying & victimisation when it is done by so many for so long. I’m continually told off, apparently it is MY fault for ‘how you’re taking it’. People MUST realise that these behaviours undermine confidence and cause depression, despair and fear. If they don’t they aren’t human.

 

I have suffered a mega nervous breakdown (and maybe little bleed? in brain caused by increased pressure/pain in head crying so much, I felt little ‘pop’ day or 2 ?after on phone said PAIN there while v upset) after reliving/describing the aftermath of the bungled unnecessary op and the day in January 2006 I went out to kill myself (drive into oncoming traffic, a lorry) because the Consultant Surgeon’s (Philip Ridings, Brighton) letter to my GP FULL of lies was more than I could bear ON TOP of the awake paralysis with suffocation and my ‘death’ (and out of body experience) and ON TOP of knowing my brain, vision, throat +++ were damaged but the hospital and anaesthetists (Jim Cooper, Wadwani/Wadhwani = spelling?, SHO Ford) were lying and covering up their errors. And ON TOP of Gillian Rock’s (Brighton) VERY nasty and cruel behaviour when I went to her for ‘counselling’ = against my better judgement, persuaded to TRY IT by GP Greaves, Preston Park Surgery, Brighton.

 

Washing up is harder than it was before and my hands more trembly shaky. I thought at first it was all psychological until I tried to speak a week ago and the words came out the wrong way round (and have done several times since) then little ‘pop’ top mid front centre near hairline forehead (where bad pain was on phone) and sort of numb there, odd, and right tip of nose and right corner-ish top & bottom lips weird/numb (as after op but even worse then coz first time). ‘Go to hospital’ people said but I can’t:no health insurance and they all refuse to properly explain the x-rays, CTs, MRIs and echography of abdomen I’ve already had = NO WAY I’m going yet again to be fobbed off, WAY too tired/ill to have to ‘work’ = argue+++.Shouldn’t have to. And after to be deluged with demands for payment when I have NO income but trying to prove that with a brain injury (not yet ‘recognised’ by social security here, STILL after over TWO YEARS). DELAY KILLS.

 

PLUS threatened with expulsion because I refuse to pay the rent for a place NOT adapted for my disability, NOT my CHOICE, with NO heating (3rd winter now living in one room = too cold to cook). MEGA stress for WAY too long. Fell down the stairs and am more injured, in MORE pain = MORE disabled. I injure myself all over the place here: sharp things everywhere, little steps cupboard & shower = bashed shins. I was SEEN to bash into corner of awful ‘breakfast bar’ the other day.

 

Feels like I’ve totally lost my art, like I can’t remember how to do it, don’t even want to (can’t explain), feels pointless. Was in full swing but deadline and theme and my brain that won’t stop thinking up ideas without me WANTING it to were already (on top of years of stress, not enough sleep, threats, noise, wrong temperature, paperwork I can’t do, not eating enough/well because no cooker, too cold & tired + OVERLOAD for YEARS, moved on from place to place and NOBODY ensuring heat works, NO stinks, SECURE etc. I can’t DO all this on my own nor should I have to. Laws are there: landlords MUST but I can’t use the law so get NO protection.

 

SOS SOS SOS

quick before I get MORE injured, ill & disabled, depressed, anxious and panicky and want to die or fall on the stairs and maybe crack my head open/MAJOR injury that can be SEEN (GP refused to examine my injured shoulder/arm and new extra nerve damage 2 years ago).

 

Too late.

 

So don’t think I’ll be able to get work done/ready for deadline 1st December for Them’Art 2016-2017. And I had so many good ideas but I’m not well and brain even MORE scrambled = excluded?

 

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